When Life Gives You Lemons

I'm irritated.  To my husband- these words are not new and are ones that he probably hears too much of.  To that, I say... I'm irritated.  

Somedays, I think that I am starting to get the hang of the gluten free cooking thing.  And some days (like today), it just ticks me off.  I like to cook.  But I LOVE to bake.  There is something so satisfying in pulling your little creation out of the oven and saying "Wha-la!  I'm awesome!"  I never really had to go through a lot of trial and error with traditional baking- I followed the recipe and it worked.  Easy- peasy.  I guess gluten free baking is the universe's way of telling me it has a sense of humor.  

I have thrown out three batches of lemon bars now because THEY JUST AREN'T WORKING!!  It makes me... irritated.  Okay- maybe there's another adjective or two that I could use- but don't exactly feel comfortable spewing them out in blog-land.  Grrrrr....  I think it's the crust that isn't right yet- I just can't figure out the shortbread.  It ends up too hard- think brick with lemon custard on top.  Appetizing right? Not even in the slightest.

So since I can't share my triumph in lemon bars... Instead- I'll share my Chocolate Almond Cake recipe instead- it was inspired by a cake I used to make found in Kim Warren's Family Comfort Favorites and a flourless cake recipe that was on a Channel 2 News lunch segment years ago.  I love it.  The recipe works and it tastes good- even if my lemon bars don't.

Flourless Chocolate Almond Cake

Ingredients:

2 sticks unsalted butter

4 eggs, whites and yolks separated

1 cup granulated sugar

5 ounces semi-sweet chocolate

1 1/2 scant cups almond meal

Handful of chocolate chips

Strawberries

Whipped Cream or Powdered Sugar

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Grease either a 10" round cake pan, or a muffin tin of paper liners.  If you are using the 10" pan- you can use butter and then dust it with cocoa powder to make sure the cake doesn't stick.  If you are doing the cupcakes- just spray the heck out of the muffin liners.

Over medium heat- melt chocolate and butter in a sauce pan.  

While chocolate is melting- beat the egg yolks and sugar in a bowl until they get to be a really bright yellow color.

In a separate bowl, beat the egg whites until soft peaks form.  Fold the egg whites into the yolk mixture by using a spatula.  Be really careful you don't mix it too much- otherwise you'll deflate your egg whites.

 Next fold in your almond flour and the melted chocolate into your eggy mixture.  Pour into pan and sprinkle chocolate chips over the top.  

Bake for about 30 minutes.  

Let cool.  

You can either leave the cake be at this point and garnish with a little powdered sugar and the berries- or you can wait until it cools completely before you pile gobs of whipped cream over the top.  Once the cake is completely covered- cover it again with the berries of your choice (strawberries and raspberries are my favorite)!  

Chocolate Chip Scones

My Grandma Newren makes a mean Scottish Scone.  She makes them in HUGE batches so that she can freeze the leftovers and pull them out at her leisure.  They are filled with nuts and raisins and are a pretty hearty little snack- though I like to tease her by saying they need chocolate chips.  I love chocolate and I think it should go into anything.  I always love to peak in my grandma's freezer when I visit to see if there are any in there.  These days I can't sneak any scones anymore, but it doesn't mean I don't love them any less.  That said- when I saw a recipe in Artisanal Gluten Free Cooking the other day, I knew I had to try it out.  

It took me a couple of different tests before I ended up with the taste and texture that I prefer when it comes to scones, but the inspiration definitely came from the cookbook.  As well as the flour mix that I used this time.  

So... Here's what you're going to need:

3 1/2 cups Artisan GF Flour Mix or whatever flour mix you prefer

2 teaspoons xanthan gum

1 1/2 Tablespoons baking powder 

3/4 cup sugar

1 1/2 sticks cold butter- or if you are going dairy free, I used Earth Balance and it turned out awesome

1 cup plus 1 Tablespoon heavy cream; divided, or you can use coconut milk- just make sure it's the FULL fat kind

1 egg plus 1 egg yolk; divided

2 teaspoons vanilla bean paste

1/2 cup mini chocolate chips or 3/4 cup regular chocolate chips.  I use the Enjoy Life brand just because it is  dairy free.

Coarse sanding sugar

Now we can get started...

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees.

Combine flour, xanthan gum, baking powder and sugar in a large bowl.

Next cut up your cold butter and throw it in with the flour.  

However you choose to do this next part is totally up to you- I prefer to use my hands, but I understand that a pastry blender or a fork also work well.  I kind of like the feeling of squishing the butter into the flour... maybe on some level it takes me back to my childhood when I made mud pies in the backyard.  Whatever the reason or method you choose- you are trying to blend the flour and butter until you end up with pea-sized pieces of the mixture.  It will look kind of crumbly.

Once you have blended your flour and butter, you can then add in 1 cup of heavy cream, 1 full egg and your vanilla bean paste.  Continue to work the mixture until a dough forms.  Again- I prefer to use my hands to do this- the dough is pretty heavy and I'm not sure a mixer would be your best bet.  When you've mixed in the last of your egg and cream- throw in your chocolate chips until they have worked themselves throughout the dough.  Turn it out onto a piece of parchment paper sprayed with a nonstick cooking spray.

From here, you are going to pat out your dough into a large rectangle- think 14 or 15 inches long and 3/4" thick.  Then cut you some triangles and place on a parchment lined baking sheet.

After you have all your scones cut and placed on the baking sheet, take your remaining Tablespoon of heavy cream and your egg yolk- mix together and brush over the tops of your triangles.  Sprinkle generously with sanding sugar and pop into the oven for about 20 minutes.

Allow to cool for as long as you can stand and enjoy with a cup of cold milk!

Chocolate Dream Cupcakes

We made chocolate cupcakes on Monday for Grandpa Jb's birthday party- and we loved them so much we had to add something special to the name of them.  Ty actually came up with it, and we all agreed it was fitting. For these cupcakes, I adapted a recipe from Artisinal Gluten Free Cupcakes, a cookbook put out by an amazing couple that has some fantastic recipes.  Kelli and Peter Bronski have come up with their own flour mix that they use across the board in all of their gluten free cooking and baking.  I've tried it out in several things- and I am not convinced that you can use it across the board- but it was really good in the cupcakes.  

Anyway... First things first.  This recipe made enough for 2 dozen cupcakes.  If you are supercool then you'll already have two muffin tins.  I only have one- I guess I should put another one on my wish list.  You'll need to line your muffin tins with the little paper liners, then spray with non-stick cooking spray.  I recently learned that if you spray your liners- the cupcake won't stick so much to the paper and you get to eat more of it!  It's brilliant!

Okay- now for the actual adapted recipe:

1 cup salted butter; or if you are making this dairy free like me- you can use 1 cup of the Earth's Balance Buttery Sticks.  

1 cup water

1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder

2 cups sugar

2 eggs

1 cup sour cream; again if you are going dairy free, you can use a sour cream substitute.  I have found I really like the results from Tofutti's Sour Cream Substitute- it's made from tofu.  Don't turn your nose up- it's actually pretty good!  And if you add sour cream or the sour cream substitute it will help keep your cupcakes softer longer- I think it's called an "anti-staling agent" in bakers terms.

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

1 teaspoon coffee extract; I have found that if you add just a smidge of coffee flavor to anything with chocolate- it actually deepens the chocolate flavor.

2 1/2 cups Artisan Gluten Free Flour Blend; recipe to follow

2 teaspoons xanthan gum

1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

1/2 teaspoon Kosher salt

And now we get to bake!

1.  Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

2.  Heat butter, water and cocoa in a sauce pan or double broiler until the butter is melted, continue stirring until the cocoa lumps dissolve.

 3.  While your chocolate is melting, put your sugar in your mixing bowl.  Add the cocoa mixture and mix at a low speed for about 5-10 minutes, or until the chocolate has cooled.

4.  Add your eggs, one at a time.  Follow them with the sour cream and the extracts.  Add dry ingredients and mix for about 5 to 10 minutes.  '5-10 minutes?' you ask... Yes- by overmixing your batter you are giving your gluten free grains the opportunity to stretch and fully absorb all of the liquid.  I have made this batter two different ways- one time I overmixed and the other I only mixed to combine.  The overmixed batter came out smooth and creamy, while the other was kind of chunky and wasn't near as pretty.  It's counter-intuitive to anything I ever did in my gluten-ful days, but it's key to any gluten free baking.

5.  Once your batter is fully mixed, scoop the batter into the prepared muffin tins.  I like to use an ice cream scoop- it fills the cups just full enough that they don't overflow when they bake.

6.  Bake for 25 minutes, then let them cool for about 10 minutes in the pan.  Then pull them out and let them finish cooling on a rack until they are completely cool.

Alright, like I said- there are a lot of different flour mixes out there- but I really did like the results of this particular one in these cupcakes.  They made for a very dense cakey cupcake.  I know it sounds weird- but we are so stuck on what type of texture our food should have- it's hard sometimes to replicate it when you are baking with alternative flours.

I have several different flour mixes on my shelf at the moment...

 But if you are looking to use the Artisan Flour Blend- you can find the link here.

Now... this cupcake was put through some pretty rigorous testing- but the overwhelming results in our test kitchen came back positive.  EVERYONE loved these cupcakes and I think they will be going into our permanent file.

Celebrity Judges

We have been discovering some new things around our house and about our family in the last year, and because of these changes, I think I am going to start a new section/post on our blog.  Since we have had to change the way we eat- we have come across a lot of really good things and a lot of really gross things.  I have found that this is one of the biggest challenges in Gluten Free cooking- there are ceratin tastes and textures that we  have come to expect when we eat certain things- and if they aren't there- we are disappointed.  It is my goal to create gluten free dishes and menus that still taste like their gluten-ful counterparts.  

I have assembled a panel of celebrity judges with some impressive credentials to help me determine if a recipe is a keeper or one that should be torched.  

Let me introduce you...

Tyler John:  Ty has been with our company for 7 years and is currently enrolled in a premium educational system that has enabled him to review our products in ways no one else can.  His expertise lies in nutrition- making sure that anything that comes to our table is both tasty and nutrient dense.  Ty's preference in tastes tend to run less sweet than his other associates, but is always honest.  And while uncharacteristic of other people his age- Ty is always willing to try new dishes.  Ty was recently diagnosed with Celiac Disease and is scrupulous in making sure everything that makes its home here is indeed gluten free.  He is our leading expert in label reading.  

 Ryan Jay:  Ryan has been working with me professionally in the kitchen for the last 4 years.  He began his work as an observer and has since risen to the position of sous-chef.  He is my go- to guy if anything needs stirred.  Ryan loves trying new menu items, though is partial to anything cheese based.  He loves dessert and if offered a choice- he will always go with something chocolate.

 Katelyn Marjorie:  Kate is the newest member of our team- having only been with us for 2 years.  But what she lacks in experience, she makes up for in attitude.  Kate is the most opinionated member of our team, and I always know where I and my dishes stand.  She has recently taken over Ryan's position in the kitchen as "Chief Observer" and has since reserved her own "spot" on my kitchen counter- she claims this is to make sure each thing is made correctly.  Kate loves fruits, vegetables and anything sweet.  While no diagnosis has been made, we are fairly certain that Kate also has a gluten intolerance.

 Shaun:  Shaun has been with our company the longest- in fact it will be 10 years in May.  His time with our team has lent him the luxury of being totally honest.  He has been with us through our gluten-ous years and has since agreed to stay on with our organization since we made the decision to go gluten free.  Shaun helps us out in the kitchen from time to time, but has the official title "Master Griller".  Shaun has no dietary limitations to speak of, but still enjoys helping me come up with new ideas to try and share.

Me:  I am the current head of operations here at Kidd's Kitchen.  I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease and Lactose Intolerance about a year ago, and have had a heck a of a time learning my way around my new gluten free kitchen.  I love to cook and bake for my family- but I hate to fail- so I try to take what I know/knew from my gluten-ful days and incorporate it into my new diet to make sure that the tastes and the textures are what I want.  

We hope you will bear with us through our recipes if you are here only for the pictures and the stories, and hope that maybe you'll try one or two of the things you see!

Eating G-Free

Yeah, yeah... it's another post about gluten.  At this point I figure you should all probably get used to it.  It's my outlet- and quite frankly- a sounding board for some of my musings and issues.  Since Ty's diagnosis- we have really done an overhaul on the kitchen and pantry.  Granted, it was probably headed that direction anyway- but Ty's tummy troubles have definitely sped up the process.  I have been tossing and donating pastas, cake mixes and bags of flour left and right.  Thankfully my mother-in-law and two sister-in-laws have been open to letting me dump my food in their own gluten-ous kitchens.  I hate to see it all go to waste- so I'm glad someone is getting use out of my food storage.  

Anyway- that said- we have added some new items to our growing pantry- there is a company called EnviroKidz that has dedicated their entire existence to kids with wheat and gluten allergies.  They try really hard to make a G-free version of things like Frosted Flakes and Captain Crunch.  I'm not saying that they totally hit the mark- but I'm SO grateful that they are out there trying.  Ty's new favorite breakfast is a cereal called Amazon Frosted Flakes.  They are pretty good- but not as sweet as their gluten-filled cousins.  So we add fruit and it's pretty darn good.  Ty also has to add a multi-vitamin to his diet since he hasn't been getting all the nutrients he should have the last however many years.  We like Flintstones because they contain Iron. I was actually surprised at all the kids multi-vitamins that didn't have any iron.  

And last, but definitely not least (at least in my eyes) is the baking.  I LOVE baking.  Always have.  I really thought I was going to have to give it up because the all encompassing knowledge of 10 different flours really seemed beyond me.  But it turns out it's not.  Not completely anyway.  I know i still have a LONG way to go before I'm where I want to be- but I figure every great cook/chef/baker/whatever had to start somewhere.  And G-free is no different.  To prove my point... check out these beautiful G-Free Chocolate Cupcakes I made last week!  Isn't it pretty!?  My gluten-full cupcakes were never this pretty.  I count this cupcake as a success! 

 And so did my kids- which really was the point after all.

Gluten Again...

I'm starting to think that Gluten is the new four letter word in our house.  It has been 5 months since I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease.  It has absolutely NOT been an easy road, but I think I'm finally starting to get the hang of certain aspects of my new life.  Initially I dropped 17 pounds in three weeks because I was so terrified to eat anything for fear that it would make me sick.  Though even after I quit eating wheat- I was still getting stomachaches and it took me a while to locate the reason for still feeling crummy... Eventually I was able to pinpoint the reason for my continued intestinal distress... DAIRY!  Apparently I am also now lactose intolerant.  It was kind of like hitting a brick wall.  It seemed like everything that I had been doing for years was exactly what was hurting my body.  How do you change so many habits and foods?  And how do you do that when you have a family to feed and take care of too?

I was coming up blank.  And really, really struggling.  Sometimes I would try to cheat- almost like I was trying to prove to myself that the diagnosis was wrong and that I really could still eat my favorite foods.  Every time I ended up on the bathroom floor, holding onto my stomach and waiting for the cramps to pass.  Every single time.  I was so miserable.  I told everyone that I was handling the situation fine and that it wasn't such a big deal... I was totally lying.

Thankfully though- I have the world's most incredible husband.  And I'm not talking about a cutesy husband- you know the one you read about on your friend's blog- the guy that is SUPER amazing because he cleans the house and takes the kids on long walks so you can take a nap or even the one that brings home flowers.  Nope.  I have a better husband.  Mine stood by me while I cried about missing pizza (of all the stupid things to cry about right?) and he ate crappy meal after crappy meal- he'd even ask for seconds.  He helped me find local cooking classes that offered courses in Gluten Free baking and cooking... and he ate crummy brownies, leaden rolls and cookies that turned to dust after you bit into them.  He praised me when I did get a recipe right and offered suggestions when they didn't.  He has trailed behind me in health food stores, helping me look for new and strange ingredients to add to our growingy Gluten Free pantry.  He has even stood up for me and my diagnoses when others didn't understand what it has truly meant for us.  In short- he has been the most patient and understanding man- and I love him dearly.

My mom and my dad have also been instrumental in helping me figure this all out.  My mom has attended almost every single one of my cooking classes with me.  She has helped me find stores that carried things like Sorghum Flour and Xanthan Gum.  She too has helped offer suggestions for fixing meals that don't hurt me and still feed my family.  Though- we would be lost without the help of a wonderful baker here in the area- Trish Withus has been an inspiration to me and has helped me master G-Free Chocolate Chip cookies!

It seems that even though we've gotten over a couple of bumps in the road since I was diagnosed- we aren't set for smooth sailing just yet.  You see- Ty has been getting migraine headaches since school started back in September.  When he first started getting them- I kind of blew it off and blamed it on the fact that he probably would rather stay home and watch movies than go to school- even though I knew how much he looked forward to school each day.  But the headaches seemed to get worse and more frequent as the school year went on.  He missed days at a time and would spent them down in his room in the dark.  He wouldn't eat anything and he didn't want to do anything.  I finally brought it up with his Doctor and we tried a few different things before she had him (and the other two kids) brought down to the lab to have blood tested for certain antibodies.

When she called me with the results she told me that she had some "interesting" results to the tests.  My heart dropped- "interesting" is not boring- and boring would have been that all the tests came back normal and that would be it.  But no.  "Interesting."  She told me that the antibody count in a normal, healthy person is 4.  Ty's antibody count was over 100.  The lab stopped counting at 100.  He really was a sick little boy- I couldn't help but wonder how long I had actually missed this...

Ryan's labs came back perfect and Kate's were "inconclusive" and she'll be tested again in about 6 months, but the chances are very good that she also has Celiac.

Before the Dr can actually officially diagnose someone with Celiac- you have to go in to a gastroenterologist and have an endoscopy.  This is where they put a tube down your throat,take a few pictures and take a biopsy to be tested in the lab.  They take the biopsy to rule out cancers and other internal problems that could be the cause of the high antibody count- but because of the family history including Celiac, the Dr thinks that Ty most likely has it as well.

We go in on Wednesday for Ty's endoscopy.

I have mixed emotions on all of this.  Do I want Ty to get better?  Without question.  But a life of Celiac when you start so young?  It will be so hard on him.  While knowledge is slowly seeping into the general public about people with wheat intolerance- it's not like there are always two birthday cakes at a party- one  that is G-Free and one that is full wheat.  And it breaks my heart to think about Ty eating a sucker at school while everyone else eats donuts.  Is this a healthier way of life?  Absolutely.  Is it harder?  Without question. But how crappy is that to throw on a 6 year old?  I have to take away his most favorite food in the world...  what is he going to do without a bean and cheese burrito!?!?  I know this is taking the "glass half empty" position- which I generally try to stay away from.  The pragmatic side of me is saying how much better his quality of life will be when he isn't plagued with tummy troubles and migraines.  But it's still so hard to take away things that your child loves.  Think about it- what is something your little ones love- can you imagine taking it away and saying you can never have it again?  It's hard.  I know it's for the best, and the reality is that there are so much bigger problems out there for a kid to have.  But it's hard.

Anyway- I don't know if this is exactly the right forum to write all this down in, but I figure if I ever get all of these posts printed out into a book- maybe we'll want to look back at where it all began so we can see how far we've come.  Maybe in 15 years when we read it, Ty and I will laugh at how silly it all was to worry so much.  And maybe I'll have learned how stupid it is to sabotage my body for the sake of a french fry.

Celia- What Now?

I don't know if this is the appropriate outlet for this subject- but I'm not really sure where else to put it.  So for those of you that check this merely for the pictures and stories about the kids- please skip this.  This is more of a post/ journal entry for me.  

For those of you that talk to me regularly, know that I have been feeling sick for a long time now.  I teased my family about calling in sick on our moving day so that I could get out of moving all of our crap- but it turned out to be true.  I still moved everything- but it wasn't without some serious effort.  I can remember going to my Dr about three months after Kate was born and complaining about how tired I was and how crappy I felt.  He chalked it up to having a newborn and had my thyroid tested- but when the test came back clean, he just told me to bear with it and eventually it would get better.  Days, weeks and months went by and I still didn't feel any better- if anything, I started feeling worse.  The fatigue got the the point that doing anything required major effort.  I got sick every time I ate anything.  And anything that I did eat, exited quicker than slick shit through a tall Sweed.  

Once we moved to Salt Lake- I felt as though I could make one more last ditch effort to see if there was something else wrong before our good health insurance ended.  I scheduled a Dr's appointment on Thursday and went in and told him everything.  He told me he was going to try a few more obscure blood tests to see if his hunch was right...  When I got a phone call from the lab, they told me that the tests came back "abnormal" for celiac disease, and that I needed to schedule an Endoscopy ASAP in order to confirm.  Well, I scheduled said Endoscopy for the next Wednesday, and did all the reading I could on celiac disease.  It didn't sound like anything I wanted- so I hoped that the scope would show nothing abnormal and maybe they could diagnose something that the drs could fix.  

I don't know if any of you have an Endoscopy- but I can think of a lot of things I would rather do with my morning.  I had to lay down on a bed, while the dr put a long tube down my throat, down my esophagus and into my stomach, where he took pictures and took a few samples to biopsy.  The dr sat me down afterward and showed me the pictures.  There was extensive damage and he told me that it was indeed celiac disease.  

Celiac disease is an auto-immune disease where your body cannot digest gluten properly.  Gluten can be found in wheat, barley and malt... and is unfortunately in most things that we eat nowadays- either through the wheat itself, or because our food is processed in plants that also process foods that contain wheat.  Either way- the result is the same- I can't eat any of it now.  The dr told me that this should be one of the best days of my life because this diagnosis would free me, and I would feel better than I had in years.   I had a hard time agreeing with him because I was having a hard time trying to grasp what this all meant for me and for my family.  Surely it wasn't going to be easy.  

I asked the dr what caused celiac, and he told me that it was because I had the gene.  It's hereditary apparently. But- a lot of people will go through life and the gene will never trigger and these people will never have a problem with gluten.  But for some of us- the gene gets triggered (the most common triggers are severe emotional distress and pregnancy- which when I trace my symptoms back- they started right after Ryan's accident- so it was either that and/or the pregnancy we think), and we then begin a new kind of lifestyle... a gluten free one.   I actually feel kind of lucky though- for most people- it takes about 10 years to get a correct diagnosis because of the nature of the disease and its symptoms, for me, it was only about a year and a half.  

I'm not excited about my new lifestyle... but maybe I will be.  Maybe one day, I will feel blessed that I was diagnosed and I will feel better.  For now- I'm so terrified of eating the wrong thing- a lot of the time I just don't eat- so hunger pains have become my constant companions.  I'm sure it will get easier with time, I only need to learn better what I can and cannot have.  I pray that it will get easier and I am grateful for the resources that are available to me... Thank goodness for the internet!!!  I'm sure I'll use this blog as a journal again in the future, so that I can remind myself of where I started, and hopefully- see how far I've come.