Days Home (Sort of)

After we were released from the hospital, instead of going all the way home to Montpelier just to turn around and come back for follow-up visits all week, Ryan, Ty and I decided to stay in Salt Lake at my mom's. It was also kind of overwhelming to think about going home and trying to figure everything out all by myself. Ryan has gained about 20 pounds since the addition of his cast- and everytime I pick him up I feel like I am either going to have a baby or a hernia. So the idea of the addition of extra arms (my mom, dad and sister) was more than a little bit appealing.

Ryan's new hangout is on grandma's couch- surrounded by all the pillows we could find. Because of the way Ryan's cast is on him- when you lay him flat- his legs are sticking up in the air (he kind of looks like he's in rigor mortis or something), so he's propped up at every angle. Unfortunately, Ryan has never been much of a lay-around kind of kid- so he's going nuts. He hates TV and now he's stuck staring at one for most of the day. We try to keep him entertained- but it's hard coming up with new things for his fingers to do.

His favorite way to release his frustration at being kept still all the time is walks. And again- I am so grateful for the helping hands that my family has offered me. I can only hold and carry Ryan for so long because of how heavy he is- and the bar that separates his legs cuts my baby in half- so I can't hold him close to me for long periods of time either. He loves grandpa though, and everytime Ryan sees him, he holds his hands out and says "Wanna Walk." I think Ryan welcomes the distraction and the opportunity to sit in a little bit different position.
Ryan also LOVES visitors. And I want to say a big THANK-YOU to everyone that has made the effort to come and say hi to him. He just lights up everytime the doorbell rings. My grandma and my uncle even made the effort to bring their dogs to visit (which Ryan was so excited for).
And then there's Ty- who has been such a trooper through all of this. He's been a little quiet- and I don't know if that's because he's still in awe of everything that has happened or if he's just tired (like everybody else). In his quieter moments of reflection- he comes up to whoever is around and says things like "I wish my brother never got runned over." Or "I wish Ryan didn't have his hip broke." I wish I could open up his little brain and find the memory portion- and then just erase the time frame of about 11:00 until 12:00- maybe replace it with a video of a dancing elephant- so that he doesn't need to relive the images that haunt Shaun and I's memories everytime we shut our eyes. I am so amazed at the amount of love that Ty has for his brother and his ability to want to take away the pain from his brother- it just seems advanced for a 4 year old.

I am also so grateful for my cousin, Nicole- I don't know how we would have survived these last few weeks without her. She has a little boy that is the same age as Ty, and they have invited Ty to Wheeler Farm, to Preschool and on playdates- it has really made Ty feel like he is a part of every thing that is going on- and at the same time- he isn't stuck sitting in the hospital all day. So thank-you, THANK-YOU Matt, Nicole, Daniel and Liz- you are lifesavers!!!!

Days in the Trauma Unit

Ryan was moved from the ICU into the Trauma Unit on Tuesday (I think- the days are really blurred there for about a week), which, while still scary- was a much more relaxed environment and we started to think that the light at the end of the tunnel was maybe an exit rather than a train.

Once we had been there for a day- we were given the all clear to even hold Ryan. This was such a huge relief- the entire time that Ryan was conscious during the last few days- all he wanted was to be held by either Shaun or I... and it was just one of those things we couldn't do. Ryan's trauma doctor wanted him to be absolutely still so as not to disturb the liver, which was slowly starting to get it's HCT levels up. Plus, moving him any more than was absolutely necessary also disturbed his pelvis and collarbone.

Ryan's spirits started to improve upon the move as well. He was still more than a little irritated at the fact that he couldn't move, and it helped that he was allowed a thickened liquid diet. Again- because of the severity of his liver lacerations, he wasn't allowed to eat for about four days (something that if you know Ryan at all- is all but impossible. He just LOVES to eat), so when we offered him a banana- he went ballistic. In retrospect- it was actually kind of sad- he grabbed at the banana like he had never seen food before and was afraid that he never would again. He was so focused on the banana- that he ate a good portion of the peel as well. He wouldn't let us take the banana long enough to peel it for him- I think he was afraid we were taking it away. He ended up throwing the last part of the banana at Shaun because once we did wrestle it away from him long enough to peel some more for him- he was so angry that he wouldn't take anything from anyone.

We were able to cheer him up a little bit though. Grandma Janet came to visit shortly after that and she brought a Winnie the Pooh balloon for Ryan to look/play with. He loved to hit it- but it kept getting away from him, so we ended up tying the balloon to the iron bar that connected his legs in the cast. It worked out pretty well- and it was so nice to finally see a smile on Ryan's face.

We also found that Ryan had started his own following of nurses over here on this side of the hospital too. While still angry at Shaun and I for the banana incident (and he wasn't too fond of anyone that came in wearing a white coat)- he loved the nurses. He found shortly after his move over into Trauma that he was wearing a bunch of leads that were attached to his chest. He also figured out that if he pulled one of the leads off, it started a machine beeping and one of the nurses would come running in. We would go home at night to rest, and when we came back in the morning, the night nurses would have all these stories of Ryan pulling off a lead whenever he needed some company. He would pull one off, wait for the nurse to come in, and then he would stick it back on.

Ryan was also visited by his share of doctors while he was in the Trauma Unit- and again- this was where we started to realize the real danger that he had been in when he was admitted to Primary Children's. I think the doctors were kind of vague in the beginning- maybe it was so that we as parents didn't freak out- or maybe... okay- really I don't know. And there is the possibility that I had a hard time concentrating on EVERYTHING that they were telling us. Anyway- besides the pelvic breaks (which we found out when he was taken back into the Operating Room- the Orthopedic Surgeon had to actually re-set the bones his his pelvis because of the way that they had broken- I am so grateful that he was put out during all of this) , the collarbone break and the lacerated liver- Ryan also saw an Ophthalmologist because of some pretty bad bruising he had behind his eye, which they are hoping won't manifest itself in some type of permanent blindness in the right eye. And because of the hit on his head (which was classified as a mild traumatic brain injury) from the bumper- he is at risk for the next six months for seizures.

It's more than a little overwhelming- but I can't help but think that he'll be alright in the end- there is a reason this little boy is still with us. He must have bigger things to do in this life because his Heavenly Father decided to keep him here with us.

Days in the ICU

I know that I have been remiss in keeping the blog updated through the last few days- but when I look back at pictures... it just makes me sick to my stomach. The more that we find out about the injuries that Ryan received- the more we realized what had happened inside his little body and it makes me want to throw up. The nurse that Ryan spent the longest time with, Tracey, told me that I would want a ton of pictures of the time here in the hospital so that we could see the progress that Ryan has made- but for now... Blech.

To be fair though- Ryan was still Ryan, even hooked up to all the machines that he was and even while drugged up. It was more than a little relieving to hear stories from the nurses and doctors about pieces of his personality come through.

One of the Pediatric Residents that was on duty Sunday was doing her rounds at about 6:00 in the morning and was doing an assessment on Ryan. She was asking him simple questions- along the lines of "Can you hear me?", "Can you squeeze my finger?" Ryan would nod or shake his head in answer to her questions. She continued down her list and asked him "Can you open your eyes?" To which Ryan nodded his head- but kept his eyes closed. She sat there for a second and then asked him, "Will you open your eyes?" Ryan nodded his head again and opened his eyes for her. She told us the story later when we were sitting in his room- joking about the fact that a 20 month old had given her an English lesson.

It gave me hope to hear stories like this- it made it easier to believe that despite the tubes and beeping machines that my Ryan was in there somewhere.

Everything Can Change in a Moment

We have definitely had a wild ride these last few days- none of which I hope to EVER repeat. We spent this last weekend in various hospitals and have learned more about trauma accidents than I ever cared to know.

We started the weekend innocently enough, up in Declo- hoping to spend a quiet weekend with Shaun's parents. We spent most of Saturday morning playing out in the yard, about 11:00 we kind of went our separate ways in order to get ready for lunch. I ran into the house to grab my purse and Shaun went into the garage to put together a booster seat for Ty. Papa ran to put the pitchfork away and move the truck around to the front of the house. Ryan ran after Papa... only nobody noticed. Papa backed the truck up- and Ryan got in front of the bumper. The back bumper knocked Ryan to the ground and before Papa could get the truck stopped, the back tire ran up and over the right side of his body.

I heard the screaming and ran outside- at first I thought Ty had been hurt because of how hard he was crying and shaking- but he kept saying over and over "My brother, my brother." I finally grasped the situation and ran to Shaun- who had a hold of Ryan. Jacki had run into the house to call 911.

One of the Kidd's neighbors, Lisa, is an EMT and arrived first and was able to get Ryan laying down and some oxygen started. The ambulance wasn't far behind. Ty started freaking out again at this point- I think because of all the activity that suddenly sprung up around him and the fact that we were all talking around him. He started shaking, so I picked him up and we walked over to the ambulance and met the police officer that had arrived on the scene. We talked about what had happened for a second and what all of the people were doing to Ryan. Ty settled down a little bit and Shaun and I climbed inside the ambulance with Ryan, Lisa and the Ambulance Man (who's name I have forgotten). We headed to the Burley hospital where the ER team took Ryan and did some X-Rays and got him stabilized. They were so impressed with the fact that Ryan not only stayed conscious, but was relatively calm during their exam. Before they even finished their tests- life flight was called from Twin Falls to take Ryan down to Primary Children's Hospital down in Salt Lake City.

Once Life Flight arrived, Ryan was loaded into the back with two other Life Flight EMTs and the pilot strapped me in next to him (I was worried that I wouldn't be able to go with Ryan- what with me being 7 months pregnant- but in the end my worries were for naught). It was so overwhelming to sit in that helicopter... We took off and headed towards SLC. The flight itself took about an hour- but we were delayed once we got there because the pilot had never actually flown into the U of U or Primary's (the two hospitals are right next to each other). So he kept circling the area- he was under the impression that the hospital was next to the stadium... which it's not. I kept trying to point him up the hill- but I am assuming he thought I was an idiot. Eventually he found the helipad that he was supposed to land on- but because of the wind- he couldn't get the helicopter to touch down on the pad the way it was supposed to. We would start to lower down and would get just above the cement when the wind would whip the back of the helicopter around and we'd have to start all over again. The pilot tried 4 or 5 different times and some different approaches, but couldn't get it down. So we ended up landing on top of the U of U hospital.

Once we touched down, we were met by an oversized golf cart (for lack of a better description). Ryan was loaded onto the cart and we all climbed on. Then the cart took us for a ride that reminded me a little bit of the ride "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride" at Disneyland- we whipped around corners and flew through traffic. I had to keep checking behind me to make sure that Ryan hadn't flown off the back. It was nuts and I was more than relieved when we wheeled around to the ER entrance of Primary's.

I followed Ryan into the ER- and I think the enormity of the situation really hit me when I walked in. The ER was so full of people and beeping equipment and yelling and nurses running all over the place... all for my son. I got sick to my stomach as I watched them run their first assessments. As they transfered him to CT- I had the opportunity to run out to the Waiting Room- where my family had gathered (Shaun had called them once we took off from Burley- unfortunately Shaun could not go in the helicopter with Ryan and I, so he drove down to Salt Lake with Ty, Jacki and Orllo) and I gave them a quick update- which in reality- wasn't a whole lot of information- because I didn't have a lot of information. What I did know at this point is that his pelvis was broken and there was a great chance of more internal injuries. I then was escorted up to CT where Ryan was scanned and they found that he had a severe lacerated liver. Apparently Drs classify liver injuries on a scale of 1 to 6. A 6 is basically a non-functioning liver and Ryan had a severe 5. With liver injuries- the best form of treatment is to "Watch and Wait," so nothing surgical was needed at this point. The scan also revealed that his pelvis was broken in three different places. So the Trauma team had Ryan moved up to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit for further treatment.

Once we were there and halfway settled- I started taking some pictures. I know it sounds morbid- but I almost wish I had had my camera earlier. Maybe one day Ryan will think pictures of the helicopter would be kind of cool. Anyway- below is a picture of the bruises, cuts and scrapes up and down Ryan's body.

Ryan was sedated pretty early on, but he had a really hard time understanding why neither Shaun or I would pick him up (he didn't understand that we couldn't). So he laid on his back with his arms in the air, yelling for "Mama" and "Dad." It was so hard to sit there and only be able to hold his hand.
One of the first things that happened was Ryan was given a breathing tube- this actually happened before we took off in the helicopter in order to have more control over the functions of his body. But once we arrived at Primary's they added an NG tube that helps with actually pulling fluids OUT of Ryan's airways. He had a cold prior to getting hurt and was having a really hard time coughing- so this tube "helped" him to do that. He was also hooked up to a ventilator to help him breathe. It was awful though. All the sound went out the breathing tube- so his cries were silent- but he still had big alligator tears coming out of his eyes.

And yes- his face is super-puffy. When the tire was on top of him, all of the blood from his abdomen had to go somewhere- and one of those somewhere's was up to his head. And it didn't help that enroute to Primary's he was given almost a pint of blood- so he had a ton of extra fluids in his body. I thought his eyes were going to explode they were so swollen. And it didn't help that his Drs put a pretty big neck brace around his neck since his spine had not been cleared of injury.

Sunday morning Ryan was taken into the OR for the casting of his pelvis. The new X-Rays that were taken that morning showed the breaks were actually spread out- there was one in the front, one on the top of the hip and the other was back by the sacrum. The cast they put on him was pretty extensive- it starts about mid abdomen, and then goes all the way down the right side of his body and ends at the ankle. Then it also wraps around his body and goes down the right side down to his knee- and to top it all off there is a bar between his legs to keep them separated and to give some strength to the cast. Drs also found another break in his right collarbone- but apparently the break was clean enough that it would heal itself.

The picture below shows the NG tube and the breathing tube a little better.
Ryan was given a big boy bed on Monday in the hopes that it would help settle him down. Because the bed was bigger- it allowed Shaun and I to get closer to him, without having to pick him up. His liver injury is such that he can't really be moved- and needs to lay flat for at least 4 days. The cast helps with that- but it doesn't stop him from freaking out when we don't pick him up. It's so hard to tell him no when it's all that he wants.

Monday afternoon he was able to get rid of the breathing tube- which meant that he also was able to come off of some of the heavier sedation drugs. And that was kind of a catch 22- it was good because he was more lucid and able to tell us what hurt and where- but he was also able to get really mad when he didn't get what he wanted. Which was: Eating, Going and being held. His Dr told us that he wouldn't be able to eat for several days because they wanted the liver (which aids in digestion) to be absolutely silent in order for it to repair itself the way it needed to. It was so hard to see him cry, ask for food and hear his stomach growl all at the same time.

We were able to have a few visitors though to help break up the days and to keep his mind off food. His favorite visitor was his brother and Ty was extremely nosey... He had to know everything that they were doing to his "Baby Ryan." And I think that Ryan liked to have Ty there too- something about his big brother was very calming to him.

Swelling is starting to go down in his face on Monday afternoon...

Grandpa JB was also able to sneak away from work for a few minutes to come and visit Ryan. He brought his iPhone with him and Ryan sat and played with it for a while when he got worked up. Grandpa has an app that has all of these animal pictures on it with the corresponding sounds. Ryan loved it.

Ryan also got to have a few bites of a slushie on Monday evening... He was pretty excited, but the few bites almost wore him out and he got very sleepy afterward.

Tuesday Ryan finally got some food!! He got a slushie for breakfast and he was moved out of ICU into the Trauma Unit (this is a good move). Ryan was SOO excited about the slushie. He would take a bite and go "Mmmmm... Num Num Num" and immediately open his mouth for more.

One day he may shoot us for the next picture- but the fact that he was peeing is AWESOME. So we took a picture of it.

Tuesday he also lost the oxygen tube and most of the puffiness was gone from his eyes. Though they are so bruised that it looks like he got into a pretty good fight (which is partially true- he just lost a fight with a truck- Shaun thinks that Ryan could have won if it had been a car instead).
He rested much easier once he was moved to his new room- which has been a huge relief.
Ty came for a visit Tuesday and the two of them snuggled on the bed for a little while and Ty showed Ryan how to play a video game that he had brought for him to play. It's probably a little beyond Ryan at this point- but the fact that he was with Ty more than made up for the fact that he didn't understand anything. Ty's companionship is something that I think Ryan really misses. When Shaun and I walked into the room this morning- he almost got angry that it was us and we hadn't brought his brother. He just kept repeating "Where's Ty?"

Anyway- at the end of today, Tuesday, things are really looking good. When we left the hospital this evening, Ryan was able to lose the catheter (which he showed his excitement for by peeing on his dad promptly after it's removal) and all IV's. He is a much happier little boy now that he has some actual food in his tummy (he got a banana and a smoothie for a snack this afternoon and some milk and applesauce for dinner) and he pooped.

We are so grateful for all of the progress that has been made the last couple of days and know that our son is truly blessed. We are so thankful for the phone calls, the prayers and the messages that we have received. Thanks to all of you out there for the love and support- we wouldn't have made it through this far without it.