Hold on a second... What's that sound?

Oh yeah! It's the sound of silence! Quiet! Nothing! Which means that I get to update for a few minutes! I will NOT apologize for the length- we've had a lot going on. This has been the craziest summer I think that I have ever had. And this last month has been no different. We have been trying to settle into a routine that works for everyone- but I can't believe how different it is when you have two little ones verses just one. I feel very lucky though- Ty loves his little brother and is always willing to help me out when I need it. He is the first one to run and grab a diaper or to go put a dirty blanket in the laundry basket for me.

I really have to keep my eye on Ty though- for all his help- he is constantly trying to hold Ryan or give him a binky or make sure that the blanket is wrapped around him just right. While very sweet- Ty is as gentle as you could expect any three year old to be. We have to keep reminding him that Ryan isn't as tough as Ty- so he needs to be careful. Still though- it's cute to watch. I'm so grateful that Ty isn't resentful of Ryan's presence in our home. If anyone asks about the baby, Ty will actually stop the conversation and let the other person know that it is "his" baby Ryan. In fact- as far as older siblings go- he's pretty protective. To give you another idea about how far this devotion goes- take last night for an example. Any of you that know Ty, knows that he has a little silky blanket that he calls his "Baby HooHoo" (we're not really sure where the term "hoohoo" came from- but that's what he has called the silly little thing from day one). The baby hoohoo goes with us everywhere and heaven forbid that you should wash the thing. Ty totally flips out when it's time to do laundry. He sits and waits for it to come out of the dryer- I call it the "Linus Sydrome"- but whatever. If it makes him happy then fine. However- last night, Shaun and I came into the living room (where we have the portable crib set up for Ryan) and found Ty hanging over the edge tucking his baby hoohoo around Ryan and saying "Don't cry baby Ryan- it's okay." I was so touched. I stubbed my toe the other day and I didn't get the hoohoo. All Ty did was jump up and down with me and then he laughed. Little fart.

Anyway- on with the update... I know that we spent a month away from home but apparently we're gluttons for punishment because not too long after we came home, we left for Declo to visit Shaun's parents. And let me tell you- packing for two kids is a royal pain in the butt. If I didn't like our extended family so much I'd tell them all to stuff it because I am staying home. However- I happen to love both my family and my in-laws so no such luck there. Anyway- it was the Cassia County Fair the week that we went (Shaun was stoked because he got to eat his weight in Maple Bars). Probably the most fun part of the fair is the rodeo on Saturday night. It's a small town rodeo- but I think it's so much fun to go to. Every year we go and we sit with Shaun's aunt and uncle's family (and a special thanks to Kent and Kim for saving us a seat twice). We were even able to talk Papa Orllo into going- I don't think I've ever seen him at the rodeo- but I sure appreciated the extra pair of eyes and hands. Wherever Papa went- Ty was quick to follow. Thanks Papa. I don't know if Ryan enjoyed the rodeo all that much, but he was really good. He had a bottle (no I did NOT nurse at the rodeo- I'm no where near talented enough for that) and a nap, but other than that he sat in his car seat and stared of into space. We'll have to introduce him to the finer arts of the rodeo a few years from now I guess. It was a lot of fun though and even though I'll have to pack for two kids again- we'll be excited to go again next year.

Hmmmm... Let's see- the next blog-worthy moment was probably last weekend when my parents came up to visit us (which they are doing again this weekend- I'm glad that they don't get sick of us because it sure is nice to have company). We took advantage of a rare quiet moment on the lake to go for a quick ride. Ty takes any opportunity available to push Grandpa into the water. He just thinks it is so funny. However- Grandpa got his revenge when Ty pushed him in- Grandpa grabbed onto Ty's life jacket... and bombs away! They both ended up in the water. Ty was so suprised that he wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or to cry. Luckily the humor won out and he came out of the water just giggling. I think that Ryan must have questioned our sanity when he felt the rocking of the boat under him- but I think he forgave us the second that it put him to sleep. It was a fun weekend- my mom and dad watched the boys for us for a couple of hours so that we could go over to Logan and run a few errands.

And a fun little note about me (which I don't think that I post about very often since I'm not very exciting- however, you will have to indulge me today since I'm pretty excited). During all this mess of being pregnant and having a baby and then the mess after Ryan was born... I forgot to tell you all that I finally graduated from college! Yay! I got an email several months ago that they were conferring my degree and sending it to my house. That's right people. I am officially a graduate (granted it took a while- but whatever- I finished and that's all that counts) in English with an emphasis on Technical Writing. Pooh on all the nay-sayers out there that didn't think I would finish.


Anyway- I think you're all up to date now. I just can't help but think how lucky we are to have such a wonderful family. I couldn't ask for a better husband, toddler or baby. They each represent such a special place in our home that I can't imagine it without them. Yes Shaun- I'm going there (Shaun hates syrupy posts and has asked me never to do one- however- I've never listened to him before so why start now?). We blessed Ryan a few weeks ago and I was too much of a chicken to get up and say anything in church- and not that this is really all that different- but I feel like I would be remiss if I didn't thank all of you for your support and love through these few weeks. I remember lessons from primary and from young women's about how Heavenly Father "allows" you to have trials in order to make you stronger. I have never liked this side of my father in Heaven. I wish that He would just trust me and leave it at that. However, this is apparently NOT how things work. I am grateful now that everything is said and done for the testimony that it gave me of the power of prayer and the power of the comforter in my life. I can remember very clearly the night that the pediatrician from the NICU came up to my room and told me how serious the situation was (at 3:30 in the morning)- I prayed for several hours that my baby boy would be alright. And I can remember very clearly a voice telling me to have faith and to have hope. I can't imagine my life without the influence of the spirit and I am so grateful for it.

Anyway- love you all and hopefully it won't be so long again between posts.

This is not a real post

I just wanted to let you all know that we are not dead. But it's been three days since I've showered and I'm going to go do that instead of sitting down to do an actual blog while I have a few minutes. Sorry. Maybe I'll be able to get my crap together another day and get some pictures up.

Home At Last

We were finally able to bring Ryan home yesterday! Talk about the longest two weeks that Shaun and I have ever had to face. As happy as we were leaving the NICU though- it was almost bittersweet. As we sat there through Ryan's feedings and such- we got to know several of the other couples that were in there with their own babies and the problems that they were facing. Sometimes Ryan's breathing problems paled in comparison. I almost felt guilty leaving (but not enough to stay)- I wish there was a better way to stay in touch so that we know what happens to them. We got Ryan all tucked into his carseat and took a picture of his empty bed to prove that we actually got to leave. I almost feel like I have been sleepwalking and I really can't remember a lot of what has gone on- so I'm glad for the blog and the pictures we have been taking.

It sure is nice to be home (sort of- we're hanging out at Grandma Janet's for a few more days- but that's like home right?). I was a little worried about his first night home (but what mom with a brand new baby isn't a little apprehensive about the first night?)- but his temperment is something else. I have never met such a patient baby. Ryan will kind of make a few noises to let you know that he is awake- and then he just sits there with his eyes open and waits for you to get everything ready for him. It's unreal. I know that the words "sweet spirit" get a bad rap- but I think Ryan really is sweet. Ty was just excited to finally get a chance to hold his "baby Ryan."

Ty continues to enjoy the summer and playing with Grandma and Grandpa. He got to go on another motorcycle ride this afternoon with Grandpa and one of the neighbors gave him a popsicle- he was such a mess. Grandpa gave him the hose to help him wash off and it was so cute watching him. I snapped a few pictures and I feel like it captures the essence of summer- sticky popsicles, dirty faces and stained t-shirts.

The Zoo

I suppose I should have saved one of those cute pictures from yesterday to post with today- because I have no new pictures. But I do have news. Ryan passed his car seat test last night with flying colors and if all goes well tonight- he may be discharged in the morning. The nurses joke that they don't use the "H" word though when they talk about discharge- instead they tell the babies that they are going to the zoo instead. Of course, in the case of the Kidd household- the zoo and home are probably some words that can be used simultaneously. Anyway- that's all we have for tonight. Thanks again for all of your support.

Happy Birthday Ty!!

Today is Ty's third birthday and he was not excited for it. We kind of had to talk him into the fact that today is supposed to be "his" day. He started to come around tonight when he got to order cheese pizza and have some chocolate ice cream from the Dairy Queen down the street. But he still wasn't sure. I asked him tonight if he had a good birthday and he told me "I guess." Perhaps next year we should build up to it a little bit more than we did this year. In the defense of the parents- it's been kind of a crazy two weeks.

The picture below is one of Ty enjoying his birthday pizza. We asked him if he wanted a candle on it and he told us no.

Here is one of Ty enjoying his ice cream. He was so excited to have a cone all to himself- and after watching him eat it- I'm glad it was his. The kid goobered all over it.

This was the main reason I was glad that we weren't sharing tonight. Ty doesn't really understand the concept of a lick. Instead of licking along the sides to keep it from melting all over the place- Ty just took bigger and bigger bites from the top. It resulted in a cold headache- but I think he was excited just the same.

However- Ty finally got to meet his baby brother today. No Ryan hasn't been discharged. But since he did so well last night without his oxygen (it was turned off last night at 11:00), the nurse that was on duty decided that it was okay to take Ryan out into the "Bonding Room" to meet his older brother. Ty was so cute. When Grandma Janet brought Ty into the room- he immediately ran over to Ryan and gave him a love and a kiss. He looked up at me and said, "Look Mama- it's my baby Ryan." It was really sweet. There's a few pictures here- so I'll just post them below.

Ryan is getting really close to coming home. He will have officially been off oxygen at 11:00 tomorrow night and if he passes his "car seat test" tonight- then he'll be discharged on Thursday morning. We're trying not to get our hopes up- but really- how can you not? This has been an extremely long two weeks and I really feel for the babies and parents that have been there for months. Anyway- the car seat test consists of Ryan sitting in his car seat for two hours without his oxygen levels going haywire. The problem is his neck- it's pretty chubby and sometimes he slumps down and cuts off his airway- so think thin everyone and hopefully he'll be home by the end of the week.

Is it there? Is it gone?

Okay- the answer to both questions is: No. But we're getting close. On Ryan's oxygen that is. The nurses have been able to turn his level down to a little below 20cc's per minute- which in reality is barely on. The nurse that was on duty tonight said that she was going to turn it off to see how he did. Cross your fingers and say your prayers that he does well. Other than that- Ryan is doing really well and we're hoping he is able to come home soon.

Big brother Ty is keeping busy as well these days. We signed him up for another go at swimming lessons- this one is the next level up- that means no Grandma hanging out in the pool with him. And he's done really well! His new favorite thing is to run and jump into the water. We either try to keep him in the shallow end for this or make sure that he has his little floaty-tube thing on. He's not that good of a swimmer yet! He sure has fun though- I'm not sure he'll be all that excited to go home after all of this!

Losing things left and right

I know that it seems like such a tiny little thing- but the last of the needles in Ryan was taken out yesterday. He is officially off of his antibiotics and therefore doesn't need to have a needle in his foot anymore.

Last night I was talking to the nurse about his feeding tube- I wanted to know how long it needed to be in there since it seems like food and oxegyn are his two biggest obstacles at this point. Apparently they are supposed to take the feeding tube out if the baby can go 24 hours without using it and Ryan had gone about two days. The nurse said that they were keeping it in as a safe guard- thinking that as soon as they take it out they would need it again. But this nurse said that if he went the rest of the night without using the tube- she would take it out. And this morning... NO TUBE! Yay! And he did really well today without it. He can be a little pokey sometimes- but I think that everyone has those moments when they just aren't that hungry. Right? Anyway- he's done really well and we feel like this is one more thing that we can cross off the list. I know that this picture still has the feeding tube in- but I kept forgetting to take my camera in today to take an updated picture. I'll remember tomorrow. In looking at this picture though- I hope we get a better one tomorrow. In every picture that I have posted- he just looks kind of blah. He really is a cute little kid and is so much more alert now. We'll work on that.

We also have an update on his oxygen levels. Last night they also tried to take his oxygen saturation down to 30 percent (remember he started at 100 and he has been between 35 and 40 the last two days) but he started to D-stat (which means that his lungs couldn't handle it and his O2 levels went way down). So the respiratory therapist had a different idea. Instead of putting a high flow of oxygen into Ryan, he was going to turn up the saturation back up to 100 and decrease the actual flow. So instead of it being on high- it's now down to a trickle- and it seems to be working. Ryan is on just a minimum of oxygen now and is just that much closer to being completely off. We also wanted to show you guys a picture of his new bed now that he is in a different room. There is a lot less equipment and a less intense feel to it now. It's not home or anything but I think that it has a better feel to it.

Thanks again to everyone for your thoughts, prayers, phone calls and emails. We appreciate it all!!

New Camcorder

I better make sure and point out that this is not Jess posting this one. I was told to figure out how to put videos on here and since she is at the hospital trying to get Ryan to eat here goes nothing. We figured that investing in a new camcorder that actually records would be wise. Since we are responsible to have video evidence of the two kids to use as needed in the future for amusement or embarrasment. We ventured out the night before Jess went into the hospital and found one that seems to be fairly idiot proof BUT you can be the judge. I am still trying to figure it out but here are a couple of attempts so far. I am sure more will be coming in the future. This is Ty and his ABC song he is doing pretty good for being a week away from his third birthday. He even includes "E" now which was a struggle for him for quite awhile! The best part of the video is him leaning in at the end wanting to see his "movie". He was pretty excited that he was in a "movie"!

This is a conversation between Ty and his mom about his little brother. We were trying to explain the situation to him but I am not sure if he really understands or is just repeating back what we tell him.

One other thing I wanted to thank everyone for the prayers, visits, and even thoughts for us all the last few days. They have helped more than you can know and we really appreciate it.

The Dreaded Feeding Tube

Shaun and I went to a morning feeding today, and I was so disappointed when we walked in. Ryan had a feeding tube down his nose, which means he probably had a bad night. We talked to the nurse and she said that he was really slow and he spit up on the night nurse so they ended up having to take care of his nutritional needs this way. It's still better than an IV- but he did so well yesterday during the day- it was hard to see another tube in him. I'm hoping that the spit up thing was because of the formula-- so I've been pumping like mad trying to keep up with the demand. Hopefully he'll do better on breastmilk. When we go in to feed Ryan, we'll do the bottle first and if he doesn't finish his bottle, the nurse will put the remaining amount in his feeding tube. So we're offically on a mission to get rid of the dumb thing and hopefully it'll be gone as quickly as it came. It's kind of a crazy thing though- the nurses are checking my milk to make sure that it has the right amount of calories and fat in it in order to feed Ryan. I had no idea that so much work went on in a NICU. I guess that was kind of naive of me- but it seems like such a small thing to worry about. I'm glad they do it though- I just wish that our pokey little kid would perk up and eat a little!

My Boys

Check out the cheeks on this kid! They are HUGE! Ryan has been coming along these last couple of days. The Dr. put a minimum on the amount of food that he has to eat every three hours- 68 mililiters- which granted is only like two ounces, but for a kid that has only previously been able to swallow 22 mililiters- this looked almost insurmountable to Shaun and I. However, if he didn't eat the 68 from his bottle, the nurses were going to put a tube down his nose that went to his stomach and feed him that way. I kept telling Ryan that he's had too many tubes stuck in him lately and we were going to keep this one OUT! It took a little bit of prompting at first- but he's done really well. Last night he was kind of pokey, but he got it down. We're so proud! The Dr. still won't give us a time that he can come home, but he's coming along. The biggest obstacle right now is still his oxygen levels. We were pleasantly suprised yesterday to see that Ryan has been moved from the most critical section of the NICU to the middle level. I like things in this room a little better. The setting is a little bit more relaxed than in the level 3 room- there's always alarms going off and Drs and nurses running all over the place.

It's been nice that the NICU allows a few people into the room with us-- my mom and Shaun take turns taking me down to the hospital for "cares" ("cares" means that's when the nurse will change him, weigh him and feed him- if we go at certain times of the day the nurse will let us do these things).

Anyway- I realize that it has been a while since I have posted anything about big brother. Ty is still pretty confused about the whole situation. When I got home from a feeding with Ryan yesterday, Ty came running into the living room and asked me "Did you bring baby Ryan home with you?" We've told him that Ryan is still in the hospital because he's kind of sick. But he's been kept kind of busy since we've been staying at Grandma's house. His favorite thing to do in the evenings is to "help" Grandpa water the raspberry bushes and to go for motorcycle rides with him. We also signed him up for swimming lessons twice a week- and Grandma was the lucky one to get to take him. He's really liked them- I think because he might be half fish- and looks forward to going each time. I'm so grateful that both Grandma and Grandpa are willing to distract Ty while Shaun and I have been at the hospital and such. I think he's had fun while we've been here and we may not be able to get him to go home when the time comes!

Milk and Tanning Beds

Today was the ultimate definition in "crappy happy." I was discharged from the hospital this morning (which was a very good thing- I think my butt was starting to take on the permenent shape of the hospital bed), but baby Ryan was not. He is progressing- but the NICU Dr. thinks that he will still be in there for several more days, maybe even another week. The Dr. did put in orders to have him taken off of his IV and that he needed to start eating actual food. So I've been pumping like crazy trying to get my milk to come in. I keep taking down syringe after syringe trying to keep up.

Ryan has also been put under the Bili-Light for jaundice (as if he didn't have enough to worry about already). He looks like he's in a tanning bed with his little eyemask on. I told him that he would have a nice little tan by the time he gets home- his aunt Melissa would be jealous. It's kind of nice though- you go to visit him and he's nice and warm.

Anyway, since he is eating "real" food these days, Shaun and I get to go down to the hospital a couple of times a day to help if we want to. We went down this afternoon and got some cute pictures of him when he was wide awake. He has such a sweet personality. He's very calm for someone who has been through so much in the last couple of days. He got a little upset when the nurse was taking him out of his bed- and his cry wasn't even a cry- it was the tiniest little "squeak!" The nurse also gave us a list of everything that Ryan needs to do before he can be discharged and I'm so proud of everything he has already accomplished. He still needs to work on his oxegyn levels and that could take a while. But- he is making progress and we can't wait until we can bring him home!

Progress Report

Last night was a really good night for Ryan. I called down to the NICU at about 2:30 in the morning to ask how he was doing (I've been worrying myself into insomnia since we've been here) and the nurse told me that he had been doing so well that she had actually given him a drug to wake him up enough to take him off the ventilator (which they did do at about 3:00 AM)! Yay!! These two pictures show him before and after the tube was taken out of his lungs. The Dr. still thinks that he may be in the NICU for about a week more- but we're hoping and praying that maybe it will only be for a couple of days instead. I can't believe how quickly he made a turnaround since Friday and Saturday.

We just went down to visit him again today and the nurse was also able to remove the arterial line in his arm... which meant we finally got to hold him! I forget how little these babies are-- and the reality is Ryan isn't all that small! Anyway, we took some pictures last night and this morning of all of his injection sites and the equipment that he has been hooked up to... It makes me grateful that I'm not a nurse-- way too stressful for me.

This was the hardest IV site for me to see... it went right into his head! They have to keep moving the needles around though since baby veins don't last very long before they collapse. We've learned a ton these last few days... probably more than we ever wanted to know. Anyway- that's the update for today. I'll be released tomorrow and I'll have to go home without Ryan, but as long as he continues to get stronger and healthier- I won't complain (too loudly).

Ryan Jay: 8 pounds 12 ounces; 20.5 inches long; Born Friday July 11 at 12:49 PM

So to say the very least... it's been an interesting couple of days. And there is nothing like the birth of your baby to put things into perspective. Friday, my biggest worry was that I didn't get into the salon to have my legs waxed because of the change in dates for surgery. Today we went down to the Newborn Intensive Care Unit here at the hospital to visit with our little boy. It's all about perspective.

The surgery itself went well enough-- Shaun and my mom both got to be in the operating room while I had the baby. Grandma was snapping pictures every chance she got (she's kind of a blood and guts kind of person), and Shaun sat on the other side of the curtain with me and just held my hand (not a big fan of the blood and guts-- in fact we had to rely on the guy that gave me my drugs to give the play by play). And like I said- things went pretty smoothly. We got to take the baby into the recovery room with us and hold him for about a half an hour before they wheeled him out and down to the nursery. Then we got news that the baby had gotten some fluid in his lungs and that his blood sugars were low- so he was taken to the NICU.



It's been crazy when we go down to visit him. Here he is- 8 pounds 12 ounces and he's hooked up to a ventilator and all these IV medications and right next to him is another little baby that is the size of my thumb on the same things. I guess he just wasn't quite ready to come out yet. He's been doing much better though. This morning the Dr. put him on a less intensive ventilator and he's breathing closer to normal now. I can't believe how much he looks like his older brother! Talk about part and parcel of the same crew! Shaun thought maybe we could name this one C-cubed or Chubby Cheeks the Second since they both have the same cheeks.

Ty is so ultimately confused by the situation though. We left on Friday and told him that we were going to go get his baby brother out of Mama's tummy... so when he came to visit us Friday night- he looked at my tummy and asked if his baby was still in there. How do you explain NICU to a three year old? They don't allow anyone under 18 years old to be in there, so Ty will have to wait a few more days to meet his baby brother and he just doesn't understand. Thankfully we have had the help of Grandma Janet and Grandpa to keep him busy. Even Dave and Nat took him swimming last night to help wear him out. We are so grateful for all of the love and support that we have received throughout these last few days.

We were even lucky enough to have Shaun's parents and grandparents come down and see baby as well. (I guess I can quit calling him baby now- we have officially picked out Ryan Jay- after Shaun's grandpa.) It was quite a trek but Grandpa Jay thought that the Rodizio Grill made it all worth it!

We also appreciate all the phone calls, visits and prayers in Ryan's behalf. We love you all!

Beyond Panic

Did you know that there was a place that is known as "beyond panic?" I didn't. But I do now. My doctor just switched my surgery date and in less than twelve hours I will be in surgery and our new baby boy will be making his way into the world. How crazy is that?! It turns out that our little three year old is more intuitive than we give him credit for. We asked him yesterday how many more days it was until his baby brother got here (we've been working on a countdown for about a week now and he's done pretty well) and instead of the two that we were expecting- he turned right around and looked at Grandma Janet and told her "One day grandma." She laughed it off and gave it up to a three year old not being able to count but apparently we were all wrong and he was right. Let's keep our fingers crossed that he's not right about it being twins. Anyway- probably won't see you all in a post for a while unless I can bribe Shaun into uploading a couple of pictures this weekend- but we're hoping for the best and we appreciate all the love and support that has been forthcoming from all of you! All our love!

PS- remind me to not wear orange when I'm pregnant any more. While Charlie Brown and Linus may like the look of the "Great Pumpkin"-- I don't know that I'm feeling it.